It doesn’t take long for most of us to run out of creative ideas of ways to show our wives
Dr. Walker suggests getting in front of your computer and creating a coupon book you can print off and staple together. These coupons are designed to be cashed in on demand from your wife.
You’ve heard “it’s the thought that counts.” Dr. Walker gives the following list of suggestions for the types of coupons that count that can help ensure a great Valentine’s Day. Coupons might be titled:
This Coupon Entitles the Bearer to:
• One half-hour of active listening about any topic the bearer chooses, with a full guarantee that no advice will be offered.
• One half-hour discussion of the state of your union.
• One half-hour of massage of any body part the bearer chooses.
• One lingering non-sexual hug.
• One bath with pre-lit candles surrounding the tub.
• One evening out alone with no home responsibilities.
• One video rental evening with a romantic movie featured.
• One half-hour talk where the bearer can give you feedback (gently, not with
• One evening out with the bearer having total control over the choice and
• One gourmet meal prepared or ordered in by you.
• One instance when you will answer the question, “What are you thinking about right now?”
• One instance where you will openly answer the question, “What are you feeling right now?” Answers may only consist of emotions (such as sadness, joy, anger, fear, depression, angst).
• One stroll or walk, holding hands or arm-in-arm.
• One trip in the car where you will slow down when asked.
• One evening at home with music and slow dancing.
I think you get the gist of what this booklet should consist of. If you’re asking why do this, you’ll have to trust me when I tell you that it’s in your own best interest.
If you stop and think about how much time and energy you devote to nurturing the quality of your primary relationship, you’ll likely notice that career, children, general maintenance and other responsibilities often take precedence. Evidence is mounting that shows a quality connection with a significant other may improve cardiac health.
Simple reminders to your partner that you love her or that she appeals to you
Many couples say that positive comments back and forth are rare, they complain of feeling taken for granted and as a result feel stressed.
Conflicts could be avoided if a reservoir of goodwill is established and fed.
When people know they are cared about, valued and listened to, they can withstand the many ups and downs associated with living. If you put time and effort into your love connection, the dividends are endless.
Should there be a similar coupon book by women? Of course—I’m focusing on men first because I’d like you to be a hero at Valentine’s, and because, generally speaking, women are more sensitive to the emotional climate in a relationship.
Romantic acts and attitudes should be part of the behavioral repertoire of both genders, but men could work harder in this area. When there’s a solid connection between couples, the quality of life increases. Great times, great sex, lots of laughs combined with a sense of closeness and belonging are a tonic for healthy living.
Sheldon Walker is an Alberta Chartered and British Columbia Registered Psychologist. He’s a Clinical member and Approved Supervisor of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.
We hope this gives a “jump start” to a great Valentines Day this year. If you have any other suggestions, please pass them on to us to share at another time. Our love and prayers are with you as together we work to make our marriages the best they can be to the glory of God!
By Steve and Cindy Wright
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